Well this week was definitely different than most weeks. It was full of more inner thought about my relationship to the world and how I feel about the things going on in the world than usual.
Frankly, it's about time I thought about something other than myself and my son. I , like most of us, get caught up in my own life's trials and joys and sometime forget that there is a world out there with other people in it who feel basically like I do.
This week an awful thing happened. A young man shot his way into a school then shot 6 adults, including his mother, and 20 children ages 6 - 7.
This tragedy of course unleashed the media machine on this poor little grieving town to make illuminate every crack and crevice of the shooter, the gun industry, school safety, autism, and the relatives and attempts at genuine care. This makes the whole thing so surreal and public that it really makes me as appalled at the behavior of people after the tragic event than the event itself.
I can't imagine what it would be like and I don't want to because that is too much heartache to even imagine for me. I have deep sympathy for them and their community.
I can imagine, though, that I would probably want to be left alone.
This all makes me think about the world and what is happening in it. I have thought about it more than in years for the past couple of days and here is what I have come up with.
We are all scared to death most of the time. We all think our problems aren't like anyone else's problems. We are all lonely and some of us snap.
Most of the people in the world are good and we have to not let the bad ones ruin this glorious life for us.
I have also had two encounters lately that any other time in my life would really upset me and they both involve people thinking that I said something that I didn't and being just insanely offended.
A year or so this would bother me because I used to spend most of my time walking on eggshells afraid upset anyone.
Now, I have come to the understanding that if you are willing to abandon someone of any significance in your life over words real relationships will elude you forever.
Well it has been one heck of a week. I am doing okay. I am still scared,broke, and lonely like the rest of us but, I know it and it is not going to make me sad ever again.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays,
JW
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
What am I ?
What am I ? Who am ? What am I doing? How did I get here?
I find myself asking these questions almost daily these days. My identity is loosely based on a couple things that are happening in my life. Single dad and band director seem to top the list these days but, I really don't know what I am to myself these days.
I think we all probably struggle with our titles and how they match up to what we do now and then but, man this is weird!
I find myself questioning myself while I am doing things that are more on the mother side of the coin in my mind. Saying things in my head like, " my dad never did this stuff," and making myself feel a way about doing what needs to be done. Is it strange that I feel strange about doing things like this or, pouring over websites to buy Christmas presents for my son? Why do I feel less manly when I am mopping the floor while my crust for my pie is baking in the oven? I am watching football at the same time just to be sure that I don't become too effeminate because if someone saw me I would feel uncomfortable.
It might be that I grew up in such a traditional household and because of this I find myself saying to myself all the time, " what would mom do in this situation?" or, "what would dad do?"
I spend most of my time trying to figure out things at the same time as actually doing it and, for a person who has always been tough and on top of things, it makes me feel frantic.
The other thing that I think about are the titles that I have left behind in the recent past. Husband, Lover, and sometimes even friend are distant memories that I remember and wonder if ever will come back to me. Maintaining other titles also becomes something that needs to be worked on and nurtured as well. I am a friend, uncle, brother, and son as well and all these titles and relationships need work to maintain their health. I struggle to find time and worry about the health of these relationships often.
People tell me often about how I should go and find a "good woman" and go on and have a good life. Well the truth is I don't really want or know how to be those things right now I would need to be to make anything like that happen. Women don't take men seriously who ask them out on a date and then share recipes, talk about the best kind of cleaner, or how if you take fabric softener mix it with water and put it in a spray bottle it makes a great febreeze alternative. I don't think women have it in their mind to marry a big burly Martha Stewart.
These are just some questions in my head now that it is completely over. My divorce is final, my son and I are on our own, and I have to remind myself to just be and it will work out.
Thanks for reading and much love.
I find myself asking these questions almost daily these days. My identity is loosely based on a couple things that are happening in my life. Single dad and band director seem to top the list these days but, I really don't know what I am to myself these days.
I think we all probably struggle with our titles and how they match up to what we do now and then but, man this is weird!
I find myself questioning myself while I am doing things that are more on the mother side of the coin in my mind. Saying things in my head like, " my dad never did this stuff," and making myself feel a way about doing what needs to be done. Is it strange that I feel strange about doing things like this or, pouring over websites to buy Christmas presents for my son? Why do I feel less manly when I am mopping the floor while my crust for my pie is baking in the oven? I am watching football at the same time just to be sure that I don't become too effeminate because if someone saw me I would feel uncomfortable.
It might be that I grew up in such a traditional household and because of this I find myself saying to myself all the time, " what would mom do in this situation?" or, "what would dad do?"
I spend most of my time trying to figure out things at the same time as actually doing it and, for a person who has always been tough and on top of things, it makes me feel frantic.
The other thing that I think about are the titles that I have left behind in the recent past. Husband, Lover, and sometimes even friend are distant memories that I remember and wonder if ever will come back to me. Maintaining other titles also becomes something that needs to be worked on and nurtured as well. I am a friend, uncle, brother, and son as well and all these titles and relationships need work to maintain their health. I struggle to find time and worry about the health of these relationships often.
People tell me often about how I should go and find a "good woman" and go on and have a good life. Well the truth is I don't really want or know how to be those things right now I would need to be to make anything like that happen. Women don't take men seriously who ask them out on a date and then share recipes, talk about the best kind of cleaner, or how if you take fabric softener mix it with water and put it in a spray bottle it makes a great febreeze alternative. I don't think women have it in their mind to marry a big burly Martha Stewart.
These are just some questions in my head now that it is completely over. My divorce is final, my son and I are on our own, and I have to remind myself to just be and it will work out.
Thanks for reading and much love.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Done
Here is my diatribe for he week. I am done. Can you dig it?
I have been used and abused for my passive nature but, not any longer. I will not tolerate bad behavior towards me and especially not towards my boy ever again.
This transition is going relatively smoothly for me because I am completely tired of foolishness. However, some friends and coworkers are having a rougher time with it because it means they have to gauge what they say and do around me and adjust their behaviors.
I come to a conclusion about human relationships. Let me add the disclaimer that this is not based off of science or any sort of experiment but, just my opinion.
In any relationship there is someone with the upper hand or more influence. This ebbs and flows according to the situation and the environment but it definitely exists. For example, Mom always has more influence the clothes that are worn while Dad my have way more influence in the function maintenance of the house.
This creates balance and interest in the relationship. There is always a need for the other party to do something that is their sphere of influence in the relationship. When that balance is gone and there is no interest or need in the other party it is really hard for that relationship to continue.
This is starting to happen in some of my relationships as I am changing in my attitudes. It is incredibly interesting for me as I try and notice it from the outside. I just hate to say it but, I just don't have time for some people any more. Their attitudes and actions have made them no longer an asset and instead a liability.
Some things that make you a liability to me:
I don't want to be so matter of fact but, I just want to establish some boundaries with everyone so I don't get beat up any longer.
- I am done fighting.
- I am done being treated like a door mat.
- I am done being insecure about my abilities both as a teacher and a father.
- I am done with being worried about when I put my foot in my mouth.
I have been used and abused for my passive nature but, not any longer. I will not tolerate bad behavior towards me and especially not towards my boy ever again.
This transition is going relatively smoothly for me because I am completely tired of foolishness. However, some friends and coworkers are having a rougher time with it because it means they have to gauge what they say and do around me and adjust their behaviors.
I come to a conclusion about human relationships. Let me add the disclaimer that this is not based off of science or any sort of experiment but, just my opinion.
In any relationship there is someone with the upper hand or more influence. This ebbs and flows according to the situation and the environment but it definitely exists. For example, Mom always has more influence the clothes that are worn while Dad my have way more influence in the function maintenance of the house.
This creates balance and interest in the relationship. There is always a need for the other party to do something that is their sphere of influence in the relationship. When that balance is gone and there is no interest or need in the other party it is really hard for that relationship to continue.
This is starting to happen in some of my relationships as I am changing in my attitudes. It is incredibly interesting for me as I try and notice it from the outside. I just hate to say it but, I just don't have time for some people any more. Their attitudes and actions have made them no longer an asset and instead a liability.
Some things that make you a liability to me:
- A person who holds a grudge over something stupid.
- uses me for things but doesn't have time for me
- tried to play mind games
- mean and angry
I don't want to be so matter of fact but, I just want to establish some boundaries with everyone so I don't get beat up any longer.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Happy Thanksgiving
This has been another good week.
Two in a row?! The universe is absolutely trying to spoil me!
This week has shown me that I am still completely amazed by certain things in my life. The kindness of strangers, the love of a child, and the craziness that some feel as completely normal makes my jaw drop and my blood boil respectively nearly every day that it happens.
This week was Thanksgiving. This means that this is another time where I try to be reasonable and make arrangements with others in mind. This usually leads to being completely let down or, to be amazed at the actions and selfishness of others.
I concocted a deal to try and be reasonable to all the parties involved. I decide that my little man would stay with his grand parents on Wednesday night, they would have their dinner that morning and then we would travel the five hours to my parents. This would mean that his mother would be able to spend the holiday with him and I would be able to have the holiday with him and my parents as well.
So, little dude went to the grandparents, had dinner, but when they brought him home for us to leave someone was conspicuously absent. I was then informed that she had left early that morning to go have the holiday with her boyfriend.
Then to make matters all the better she had the nerve to message me and ask how he was and if we had left yet. She obviously cared a great deal about his health and safety when she left him while he didn't feel good on a holiday to have dinner with her boyfriend. I was dumbfounded, angry, and had to struggle to keep from being ugly to her parents. I realized it would do no good to yell at them. They can't do anything about her actions any more than I can.
Since we have been here she has messaged and called a couple of times a day just to see what we are doing. Why wouldn't she? I have obviously had trouble taking care of him for the last four years. I sure do need someone to keep track of me and what I am doing. Good Grief!!!
Other than that, it has been a good week. I went and saw some good movies, eaten more than my share, little man has had big time playing with NANA and Thomas, and it has been completely relaxing couple of days.
It has been awesome. I guess we will head back to the grind for the final push to Christmas. It's going to be great!
See you next week!!
Two in a row?! The universe is absolutely trying to spoil me!
This week has shown me that I am still completely amazed by certain things in my life. The kindness of strangers, the love of a child, and the craziness that some feel as completely normal makes my jaw drop and my blood boil respectively nearly every day that it happens.
This week was Thanksgiving. This means that this is another time where I try to be reasonable and make arrangements with others in mind. This usually leads to being completely let down or, to be amazed at the actions and selfishness of others.
I concocted a deal to try and be reasonable to all the parties involved. I decide that my little man would stay with his grand parents on Wednesday night, they would have their dinner that morning and then we would travel the five hours to my parents. This would mean that his mother would be able to spend the holiday with him and I would be able to have the holiday with him and my parents as well.
So, little dude went to the grandparents, had dinner, but when they brought him home for us to leave someone was conspicuously absent. I was then informed that she had left early that morning to go have the holiday with her boyfriend.
Then to make matters all the better she had the nerve to message me and ask how he was and if we had left yet. She obviously cared a great deal about his health and safety when she left him while he didn't feel good on a holiday to have dinner with her boyfriend. I was dumbfounded, angry, and had to struggle to keep from being ugly to her parents. I realized it would do no good to yell at them. They can't do anything about her actions any more than I can.
Since we have been here she has messaged and called a couple of times a day just to see what we are doing. Why wouldn't she? I have obviously had trouble taking care of him for the last four years. I sure do need someone to keep track of me and what I am doing. Good Grief!!!
Other than that, it has been a good week. I went and saw some good movies, eaten more than my share, little man has had big time playing with NANA and Thomas, and it has been completely relaxing couple of days.
It has been awesome. I guess we will head back to the grind for the final push to Christmas. It's going to be great!
See you next week!!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
November 20 , 2012
Hello blog and friends,
This week has not been bad at all. It started with a whole bunch of crazy but, I refused to let myself be a part of it, so it moved on to the next person.
I got my divorce papers signed!!! Go LIFE!!!
I have also decided to focus more on the positives of my life and not worry about people who aren't positives in my life. As they say, Misery loves company, and it is proving true more often than not these days. I am just not going to be company for misery or people who are miserable.
I would say that the most frustrating thing this week has been trying to get my son to sleep at night. It is a battle to say the least and he either acts like a fish removed from water or some sort of battery operated toy that eventually runs out of juice. I can't decide which.
It is really a sight to see.
He will lay in the bed and wriggle around like he is wrestling a bear, roll over to get up on his knees, lay down again, settle down and lay oh so still so you think you have won. Then he kicks both legs to wake himself up and will start the process all over again. After this ritual he will mess with his pillows or, whatever he can to stay awake but soon enough he starts to fade again. His movements become slower and slower then..... BOOM!!! He has one last burst of activity followed by immediately going to sleep and I mean completely out.
It reminds me of when your television remote's battery is dying and you smack it against your hand, turn the batteries in the bottom, move it around, and all so you can think it works and it must have been a bad connection so now it will work fine forever.
You will do this and more so you don't have to get up and dig through that drawer in your kitchen where you know the batteries are but finding them is like digging through a mine field with your fingertips. There are nails, screwdrivers, glue, tape dispensers, that piece of string, an extra light bulb to that lamp that only takes those little decorative bulbs, and a battery container with one battery left. The universe knows you need two but, that would be too easy!
I also spend every moment of life outside of band with my little dude but, can find a away of convincing myself that I am awful and ignore him constantly. Nobody can build a guilt trip for themselves or others like I can!
Take for instance Sunday, I picked him from his grandparents' house around noon. When we got home we had a snack, wrestled around while we made the bed, made my mom's famous chocolate cheesecake, peeled potatoes, had a sandwich, played trains on the floor, and had a Thanksgiving Dinner for two guys a couple of days early. After that however, I looked my phone to text some folks and check facebook. Then I convinced myself that I was awful for doing these things.
When I see it in print it confirms my craziness to even myself.
Oh well, I better get back to him before he lives life of crime because of my typing this blog while he is eating dinner.
This has been a good week over all and I hope this boring life continues for some time.
Take Care and Happy Thanksgiving.
This week has not been bad at all. It started with a whole bunch of crazy but, I refused to let myself be a part of it, so it moved on to the next person.
I got my divorce papers signed!!! Go LIFE!!!
I have also decided to focus more on the positives of my life and not worry about people who aren't positives in my life. As they say, Misery loves company, and it is proving true more often than not these days. I am just not going to be company for misery or people who are miserable.
I would say that the most frustrating thing this week has been trying to get my son to sleep at night. It is a battle to say the least and he either acts like a fish removed from water or some sort of battery operated toy that eventually runs out of juice. I can't decide which.
It is really a sight to see.
He will lay in the bed and wriggle around like he is wrestling a bear, roll over to get up on his knees, lay down again, settle down and lay oh so still so you think you have won. Then he kicks both legs to wake himself up and will start the process all over again. After this ritual he will mess with his pillows or, whatever he can to stay awake but soon enough he starts to fade again. His movements become slower and slower then..... BOOM!!! He has one last burst of activity followed by immediately going to sleep and I mean completely out.
It reminds me of when your television remote's battery is dying and you smack it against your hand, turn the batteries in the bottom, move it around, and all so you can think it works and it must have been a bad connection so now it will work fine forever.
You will do this and more so you don't have to get up and dig through that drawer in your kitchen where you know the batteries are but finding them is like digging through a mine field with your fingertips. There are nails, screwdrivers, glue, tape dispensers, that piece of string, an extra light bulb to that lamp that only takes those little decorative bulbs, and a battery container with one battery left. The universe knows you need two but, that would be too easy!
I also spend every moment of life outside of band with my little dude but, can find a away of convincing myself that I am awful and ignore him constantly. Nobody can build a guilt trip for themselves or others like I can!
Take for instance Sunday, I picked him from his grandparents' house around noon. When we got home we had a snack, wrestled around while we made the bed, made my mom's famous chocolate cheesecake, peeled potatoes, had a sandwich, played trains on the floor, and had a Thanksgiving Dinner for two guys a couple of days early. After that however, I looked my phone to text some folks and check facebook. Then I convinced myself that I was awful for doing these things.
When I see it in print it confirms my craziness to even myself.
Oh well, I better get back to him before he lives life of crime because of my typing this blog while he is eating dinner.
This has been a good week over all and I hope this boring life continues for some time.
Take Care and Happy Thanksgiving.
Monday, November 12, 2012
November 12, 2012
Wow what a week! I don't even know where to start this past week has had me turned every which way, inside out, upside down, and been the most challenging that I can remember.
It started like any other week. Monday wen't off without a hitch. It was smooth sailing. Tuesday began what I shall refer in this post as "the journey."
On Tuesday there was no school and we had an inservice day that was organized the Niswonger foundation. The Niswonger Foundation is philanthropy effort from a rich business man to try and "fix" education. It was awful and as informative as reading the directions on the back of a shampoo bottle. After the in-service myself and some friends decided to go to a restaurant to complain about the day and catch up on our insulting each other. It was really nice to be around adults and not at work.
Then I received the call. .
My boy's teacher called to tell me that he was inconsolable, wouldn't follow any directions, and completely out of control. I told her I would be there in five minutes and immediately said my goodbyes and headed that way.
I arrived at the school expecting pandemonium laced with a little violence and a wee bit off sorrow. I walked through the door and......NOTHING!! Miles was playing on the floor with another little boy and they were laughing and having a wonderful time. Outrage would be a mild understatement as to my reaction. I picked him up, put him in the 3 yr old class and then took the teacher to task in the hallway.
Wednesday went okay. My parents came to visit and we had a good time.
Thursday it all went back to "the journey." My little guy and I toured the local Catholic school and it was really exceptional. I knew all of the teachers already because of the band, they were a million times further along than his class, and it is cheaper than where he is because we are Catholic.
I took my boy back to his school and had a conference with his teacher. I tried my best to get her to understand that I am completely interested, supportive of his teachers and their approach to behavior however, I can not work on standing in line at home because there are no lines at our home. Working on circle time at home is not realistic because I have him sit on my lap and read him a story. Also I wouldn't tell him to be quiet because I think it is important to answer his questions. I would, however, like to know about his behaviors issues so I can talk to him about it but, I would rather have more pertinent information. Such as, he is having trouble with his shapes, doesn't know his lower case letter. etc...
This fell on deaf ears. So we are changing schools.
Later on in the evening I was practicing with a church band that I had agreed to play with to make some extra money for Christmas. Grandma was watching big man and she was supposed to come and visit him. I left the band practice at 7:50. I know that was the time because I was late and I wanted to call and check on everyone. I was told that she had never shown up. I arrived at home at 8 pm to find her in the dining with my son's piggy bank emptied. She stated she was trying to put money in the bank and I called her bluff and told her to put the money back.. WELCOME HOME! Then she dug in her car for a pill she had dropped and in her car for about twenty minutes. Then she came in and asked if she could download music to her phone and I told her she had five minutes then he was going to bed and she would need to leave.
FRIDAY
Friday was okay until about 1 p.m. when she called. She said that when she was downloading music the computer removed her contacts and she needed them to because the doctor told her she had cancer and she needed to call someone. I told her that I would meet here at the house and when I arrived I tried to go to the back up of her phone. When I looked at her contacts they were all there so I asked and she said there wasn't all of them. So I let try and began to pick up some things around the house. When I looked over towards the computer she was downloading the rest of her music...CLASSY.
SATURDAY
Saturday only involved her texting me and asking for money, telling me that she missed me and wanted her old life back. It has been a year and she is living with her fourth boyfriend since I asked her to leave. That makes it ; her four "relationships" since then and me zero. Yeah she misses me a lot and I told her about how awesome she was via text.
SUNDAY
I played the church and it was actually fun. I love playing and I get to be around other adults who like to play so it is really kind of fun.
After I finished the second service I called to tell the I was on my way to get the boy and was told "we have a real problem." I ,of course, inquired and was told that she was having a nervous breakdown. My first thought was my son having to see some foolishness going down and apparently I am the only who had thought of that. I got there as soon as I could and when I arrived I was told again that we had a problem. I responded that I didn't have a problem and that they were responsible for her and I was not. I was responsible for him and we were leaving because he didn't need to be around that kind of crazy.
So there's the past few days of my journey. Sorry for the length but, needed all of this to be out there for my sanity.
HAVE A GOOD WEEK! If this one is like last week I am going to be a basket case myself!!!
It started like any other week. Monday wen't off without a hitch. It was smooth sailing. Tuesday began what I shall refer in this post as "the journey."
On Tuesday there was no school and we had an inservice day that was organized the Niswonger foundation. The Niswonger Foundation is philanthropy effort from a rich business man to try and "fix" education. It was awful and as informative as reading the directions on the back of a shampoo bottle. After the in-service myself and some friends decided to go to a restaurant to complain about the day and catch up on our insulting each other. It was really nice to be around adults and not at work.
Then I received the call. .
My boy's teacher called to tell me that he was inconsolable, wouldn't follow any directions, and completely out of control. I told her I would be there in five minutes and immediately said my goodbyes and headed that way.
I arrived at the school expecting pandemonium laced with a little violence and a wee bit off sorrow. I walked through the door and......NOTHING!! Miles was playing on the floor with another little boy and they were laughing and having a wonderful time. Outrage would be a mild understatement as to my reaction. I picked him up, put him in the 3 yr old class and then took the teacher to task in the hallway.
Wednesday went okay. My parents came to visit and we had a good time.
Thursday it all went back to "the journey." My little guy and I toured the local Catholic school and it was really exceptional. I knew all of the teachers already because of the band, they were a million times further along than his class, and it is cheaper than where he is because we are Catholic.
I took my boy back to his school and had a conference with his teacher. I tried my best to get her to understand that I am completely interested, supportive of his teachers and their approach to behavior however, I can not work on standing in line at home because there are no lines at our home. Working on circle time at home is not realistic because I have him sit on my lap and read him a story. Also I wouldn't tell him to be quiet because I think it is important to answer his questions. I would, however, like to know about his behaviors issues so I can talk to him about it but, I would rather have more pertinent information. Such as, he is having trouble with his shapes, doesn't know his lower case letter. etc...
This fell on deaf ears. So we are changing schools.
Later on in the evening I was practicing with a church band that I had agreed to play with to make some extra money for Christmas. Grandma was watching big man and she was supposed to come and visit him. I left the band practice at 7:50. I know that was the time because I was late and I wanted to call and check on everyone. I was told that she had never shown up. I arrived at home at 8 pm to find her in the dining with my son's piggy bank emptied. She stated she was trying to put money in the bank and I called her bluff and told her to put the money back.. WELCOME HOME! Then she dug in her car for a pill she had dropped and in her car for about twenty minutes. Then she came in and asked if she could download music to her phone and I told her she had five minutes then he was going to bed and she would need to leave.
FRIDAY
Friday was okay until about 1 p.m. when she called. She said that when she was downloading music the computer removed her contacts and she needed them to because the doctor told her she had cancer and she needed to call someone. I told her that I would meet here at the house and when I arrived I tried to go to the back up of her phone. When I looked at her contacts they were all there so I asked and she said there wasn't all of them. So I let try and began to pick up some things around the house. When I looked over towards the computer she was downloading the rest of her music...CLASSY.
SATURDAY
Saturday only involved her texting me and asking for money, telling me that she missed me and wanted her old life back. It has been a year and she is living with her fourth boyfriend since I asked her to leave. That makes it ; her four "relationships" since then and me zero. Yeah she misses me a lot and I told her about how awesome she was via text.
SUNDAY
I played the church and it was actually fun. I love playing and I get to be around other adults who like to play so it is really kind of fun.
After I finished the second service I called to tell the I was on my way to get the boy and was told "we have a real problem." I ,of course, inquired and was told that she was having a nervous breakdown. My first thought was my son having to see some foolishness going down and apparently I am the only who had thought of that. I got there as soon as I could and when I arrived I was told again that we had a problem. I responded that I didn't have a problem and that they were responsible for her and I was not. I was responsible for him and we were leaving because he didn't need to be around that kind of crazy.
So there's the past few days of my journey. Sorry for the length but, needed all of this to be out there for my sanity.
HAVE A GOOD WEEK! If this one is like last week I am going to be a basket case myself!!!
Monday, November 5, 2012
Sunday November 4, 2012
This was the last week of competitive marching band for the year. This week is always filled with contradicting emotions for me. I am sad that it is over, happy that I will have more time after school, proud of the work, and a little depressed because it never gets as good as it can be.
It has been a wild crazy ride but, we really did some amazing things for a bunch of kids from East Tennessee.
It was also Halloween this week and Iron Man had a pretty good one I hope. It was cold so the EX, myself. and Iron Man went trick or treating in at the mall with everyone else in town with kids under the age of five. It was okay. It was full of whining and negativity from an unnamed source but, Iron Man had a good time and saved the world from too much candy being in circulation.
On the big day we dressed up again, went to the neighbors, and carved a couple of pumpkins. Also her mother and grandmother came to visit. It was really kind of uneventful and not too bad. The adults have to have as much attention as the boy but, at least I know that now so I can effectively keep all of the kids managed.
It was a crazy busy week and I am tired but, that is part of life. I am starting to take control of some things one piece at a time and it is working to make things easier and better. I just wished I could get this paperwork finished and be able to move on with my life. Also I would like a reprieve from being treated like I am indebted because I am surviving, that there are rights involved so I should mind my P's and Q's, and that I am inherently not as smart so I can be told anything and I will buy it.
Those interactions are really the only thing that still have trouble dealing with on a regular basis. I am tired of being nice. I want to be done; I mean I am done but, I just want to be officially done. Also when it is done you might want to find away to be with me that day. It will be one to remember and the most fun days you will remember.
It has been a wild crazy ride but, we really did some amazing things for a bunch of kids from East Tennessee.
It was also Halloween this week and Iron Man had a pretty good one I hope. It was cold so the EX, myself. and Iron Man went trick or treating in at the mall with everyone else in town with kids under the age of five. It was okay. It was full of whining and negativity from an unnamed source but, Iron Man had a good time and saved the world from too much candy being in circulation.
On the big day we dressed up again, went to the neighbors, and carved a couple of pumpkins. Also her mother and grandmother came to visit. It was really kind of uneventful and not too bad. The adults have to have as much attention as the boy but, at least I know that now so I can effectively keep all of the kids managed.
It was a crazy busy week and I am tired but, that is part of life. I am starting to take control of some things one piece at a time and it is working to make things easier and better. I just wished I could get this paperwork finished and be able to move on with my life. Also I would like a reprieve from being treated like I am indebted because I am surviving, that there are rights involved so I should mind my P's and Q's, and that I am inherently not as smart so I can be told anything and I will buy it.
Those interactions are really the only thing that still have trouble dealing with on a regular basis. I am tired of being nice. I want to be done; I mean I am done but, I just want to be officially done. Also when it is done you might want to find away to be with me that day. It will be one to remember and the most fun days you will remember.
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