I have been dealing with some things that I don't really feel comfortable talking about but, this is supposed to be my public cathartic release. The bearing of my soul to the universe and the digital voyeurs.
I have been approached a by a number of people who have read and do read this blog and they tell me that I am in their thoughts and prayers. I really do appreciate this.
These past few weeks have been relatively quiet as far as drama and I am grateful that karma has decided to give me a break. This has made some decisions for my immediate future a little more troubling. I have found myself reevaluating both my value systems and my goals for me as an individual and my professional aspirations. I am really struggling on finding a path forward.
I wonder if other people find themselves spending entire days without saying a word. If my boy isn't here and I have scrounged up some sort of plan with someone so I can not feel totally alone. I literally will go two days without speaking a word. Which makes me ponder how many people go for periods of time without speaking to someone.
I find it suffocating. I of course most of the time have my little one to keep me company and he keeps me busy believe me. However, the lack of emotional and / or intimate connections leave me troubled more than I would like to admit.
Also my poor self image and lack of self confidence don't help.
Don't get me wrong I am happy now and I am getting along better now than I can remember in my recent past. Things are moving smoothly but, i am just doing it all alone and have no one but my little guy to celebrate our normalcy with.