Monday, April 28, 2014

Be. Here. Now.

A couple of things have happened in the past couple of weeks that have me thinking and reassessing some of my habits. 

The first was a trip to the Discovery Science Center and the second was an Easter egg hunt at church.

Both things are super fun and a great way for my son and I to spend time together. 

When we got to the science center my boy ran over to the first station and proceeded to start having fun and doing exactly what we were there to do. HAVE FUN. I however, did the thing that has become entirely too familiar. I whipped out my phone, made my son pose, and tried to get him wrangled in to take his picture so that I could share with my "friends" how MUCH fun we were having. I did this a couple of times throughout the place and the day as I had done a million times before. 

I posted the pics and periodically marveled at how many "likes" and "comments" were made about the super fun times we were having. This is a  thing that has become too typical in my life and outings with the undisputed most important thing in my life. 

The next event however, changed my whole perspective hopefully forever. 

We arrived at the egg hunt, helped out a little, got in line for our picture with the bunny, did some crafts, and waited for the big event all the other families. My boy was playing in the floor with a hot wheel the bunny just gave him  like it was both indestructible and made of gold at the same time. 

To watch a boy play with a hot wheel is a beautiful thing. So much joy, and imagination in how they play. They fly, fight, go underwater, become life saving crews and armed forces vehicles in seconds. All with a seamless transition that all the others understand and accept like I accept that air conditioners make air cold.  I don't know how and don't care. They make air cold and I am thankful for it. 

Anyway, I digress. Back to the task. 

I noticed a familiar behavior from all the adults in the room. It was the same behavior I had done a million times and had done the same just day before at the science center. They were all manufacturing fun and living this moment through a view finder. They weren't present. They were hours or minutes ahead of themselves and already sharing magical moments and memories without having any.

When I was a kid my parents had a camera and we took pictures but, there was a magical substance which made those pictures limited and precious. FILM. It was expensive to take a million pictures and even more expensive to get them developed. So pictures were precious commodities for only the most special occasions. I am thankful for this now. 

Now pictures aren't special. My son will have his whole life chronicled digitally, and stored, not in shoe boxes where he can find them and go through them when I pass, but on a digital cloud. 

Our lives have become too shared, liked, notified, and checked in. We share our dinners, who we are with, where we are every minute of the day, and how we are feeling about everything. Nothing is precious and / or special any longer. 

Well not for this guy any longer! 

I am going to try and be here now. BE. HERE. NOW. 

Oh and by the way, make sure to like and share this on Facebook, Twitter, Google +, and anything else you can think of.  Insert clever emoticon here! 


Friday, April 18, 2014

Letting Go

It is hard to believe that it has been a month since my last attempt at writing in this blog. I guess writing something everyday is out the window. Like they say, " If you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans."

It has been one of he busiest and crazy months I can ever remember.. From the indoor drumline thing and trying desperately to manage it and make it at least presentable to trying to keep up with my homework it has proven to be stretching me in a way that I haven't been used to for a long time. I am having to learn to let go of things that aren't productive to me or necessary.

Letting go has proven to be the hardest thing I have had to learn in this new life adventure. I started the school year paying as much attention to my old life as my new one to the point where it felt like I was doing a camp or residence here and I would be going back to everything as normal soon. Until recently I just couldn't make myself quit thinking about my old life and finding ways that this new life didn't measure up. I did this while remaining super positive about things here to keep up appearances of being involved and working hard but, I was still involved with the other side mentally.

As time has kept on moving on though I have seen things for what they are now and they are ok.
Are they what I am used to? NO.
Are they necessarily they way I want them to be? NO.
Is my caring and interest in my old life reciprocated? NO.

In the past few weeks I have learned so much about people and my new environment. It has cause me to be more in the moment than ever before and to take real ownership on something like never before. No insecurity involved. I have had to answer these questions daily to make myself think about now and where I am going.

Can this be as good or better than before? YES
Is my life full of new experiences that are growing me as a teacher, father, and person? YES
Can I visualize the steps that I nee to take to create what I want from life now? YES
Am I happy? Mostly

This new mindset is helping propel me forward in a new way and is changing my relationships and life in a way I never thought imaginable. I am creating new and positive relationships with new people in my work environment, I am spending more time doing things I like to do, I am caring about the future in a new way and it is really fun again. I am having fun again.

I have a long way to go but, now I know when I get there I will be smiling. I couldn't have said that not too long ago.

Thanks for reading.