Sunday, August 26, 2012

Sunday August 26 2012

    This week was interesting to say the least. Little man and I went to grandma's like we were supposed to this week and she wasn't there to see him. This is infuriating beyond belief because she couldn't let me know that she wasn't going to be there and it had the potential of upsetting my man.
     Luckily he is easily diverted and it doesn't affect him now but, soon it will and that will be it for her and her ability to see him and be a part of deciding when. While we were there I found out that my ex-wife's uncle suddenly passed away. That somehow became the reason she couldn't come and see him. She had left her grandma's house hours earlier and didn't know that he passed until I called and told her once we were already at her grandma's. She just couldn't be there because she was so broke up in advance I guess.
    She asked if she could come and see Miles the next day once she could get herself under control, to which I said ok. So the next day we went to the library and to see the fountain after school and got home about six thirty or so. I called her and let her know we were home and she said she would be right over but, she also wanted to know if I would take her to her paternal grandmother's house. I said I would.
She finally showed up her to "see her son" at about 8:45. I took her to her grandmother's and she managed to visit her grandmother for about 4 minutes. The rest of the time she walked around the house doing god knows what.
    This craziness that she exhibits is becoming more erratic and not as easily taken by me. I am really tired of having to deal with her and try and keep some sort of a normal life. She is obviously only concerned with herself and uses her son for emotional manipulation and I refuse for it to happen. He doesn't deserve it and won't be a part of it. He is not a prop!
   I am a little more tired than usual this week but, c'est la vie.

    Another thing that happened this week was my mom being put in the hospital for chest pains. They let her go home the next day after some tests and we are supposed to go visit this upcoming weekend.
     I can't imagine if something were to happen to either one of my parents right now. I hate to make it about me but, that might be the thing that finally breaks me and sends me into crazy land with the rest of the people up here. Probably more likely I would completely shut the emotion factory down inside and just be productive and not human. Sometimes I feel like that is what I am doing most of the time anyway but, I think most people feel like that more than would like to or admit to.


Sunday, August 5, 2012

It has been a couple of weeks since my last post and sorry and ecstatic to say that everything has been pretty much normal. Band camp was more challenge than I expected it to be both professionally and personally. Little man was supposed to stay with my parents the first week and then my parents were supposed to come up here and help with my house and stay here for the second week. Well my mom threw out her back and they had to bring my boy back and I was alone for the second week. I was terrified because of the long crazy hours and trying to find what to do with him during the evening hours, etc.... However, we did it without a hitch! It worked fine because I have some awesome friends and some really great band parents who really were there for me.
This made me realize more than ever that I can do this. I may get a little crazy and my patience gets tested because the little guy is a stubborn as his father and when he gets something in his head it won't leave until he is satisfied but, we are doing ok.
On the professional side; everything that I feared about not writing the show has come to pass. The parts are lame, he didn't get us one note during band camp,and I don't really care. I know that I should be up in arms and I should be angry and I tried to be but, I was reminded very quickly of my ranking in opinion and  process. Now I don't care if the drums learn the whole show before Christmas. I will teach it to them when it gets here, I will make it as good as I can, and I won't complain about it. I will not however retry and fix the problem when it comes up again, rewrite a single note, put one single once of my own creativity into it, or make chicken salad out of it at all. Also, frankly, I don't think I should be expected to either.

My personal life has taken a positive turn. WE have signed the prerequisite papers and it is now on its way to being officially done. Also I found out I have been approved for my loan modification. Two big steps on my way to a normal existence!! I have also started to try and become a semi vegetarian and quit drinking sodas. Another two big steps added on to my having not had a cigarette in two months. I am really proud of myself for all of these accomplishments both professionally and personally. They show a level of persistence I had lost and now I am starting to like have ing control again. So people better watch out. Passive is gone.