It is funny about this small attempt by me to publicly track my own thoughts. I have shared the fall, the flail, failure, the rebuild, and the routine and through it all I have left something out that's important for me to get out there. I am scared of the future and I think all the time that I would like the security of my old life.
Now let's be clear. I was treated poorly and my son was treated poorly. I recognize that fact and I wouldn't want to let that happen again. Somehow I feel about my marriage like most of do about high school. If I would have known then what I know now things would have been different. Would they?
It makes wonder weird things and create awful analogies to figure it out. My latest is comparing it to the fall of Rome. I wonder, "how long before they didn't miss the old days?" or " how long did it take them to forget the awful and romanticize the thought of what it was." I know my little life is not as epic as Rome, but please allow me my delusions of grandeur. It is my blog and I'll dance if I want to.
My son has entered a couple new phases that make me giggle. He loves to announce to me that he will be mad at me, he will whine, and that he doesn't like me right now. I guess mean old daddy better think twice now before he makes him brush his teeth!
The other I don't like so much. He says things like, I will bop you in the head, I will ninja you in the leg, and so on. He promptly backs away from these with a simple , EXCUSE ME? Then he says " I'm Sorry. I love you Daddy," immediately which makes it hard for me to not giggle.
Parenting definitely has it's challenges but, no one told me the hardest one would be to not laugh or smile at how cute he is when he does something wrong and comes to tell me.
I do however think about the good old days often. Everyone likes to acknowledge all things that were wrong with my old life. I would like to acknowledge that we did love each other, we laughed all the time, and at one time were each others best friends. It is unfortunate those things couldn't out weigh the things that were so wrong.
Rome fell, it has been patched up and is ready to begin again. Kind of
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