I guess it is time for my weekly post. This week has been productive but, a little weird without my little man. I hate it when he is not around and I hate myself for how easy it is and how I think about how hard it is going to be when he gets home.
I really hope this doesn't make me a bad dad and just a human being who is recognizing that his life is more or less complicated according to the situation. I also have reached a place where if people do think that it makes them feel like a bad person then whatever. My little brother has cemented that word as my least favorite in the entire english language. Its indifference just drives me crazy and infuriates me and he can use at the perfect time and the perfect way to completely make me crazy. Now I feel that way about a whole section of people and ideas.
I have come to a place in both my job and dealing some specific people where I just have a limit on what I will tolerate in both speech and actions. After that threshold is reached I am done both with the person and the situation. I still don't have the capacity to fight like others think I should or like I feel like I want to sometimes but I feel it coming and fast. When it does I hope I can control it. I guess that is the real fear. The fear that if I let it out, if I say how I feel, that I won't be able to hold the tiger by the tail and it will get out of hand.  
It scares the hell out of me. Way more than being by myself for the rest of my life with a little boy and mountains of debt. That is easy. Just love him with my whole heart, try harder than I think I can, and keep going, just keep going. So that is the plan right now.
Keep the mouth at bay and just keep going.

See you soon! Stay in front if you want to talk to me cause I'm not looking back any more!