Making it work - Update

      It has been more than a year since I have typed anything in this blog. This was my tool for therapy when my life was in turmoil and I needed some way to step out of myself and examine it from outside the situation.

Since I have moved here and restarted my life I have learned one thing, make it work. When I first moved here I spent the first part of my time turning around in circles looking for things to grab on to to feel stable and give myself direction. At first, I focused on old relationships and spent large amounts of my time reaching out to them to try and rekindle friendships that I cherish but, haven't nurtured or kept going for a long time. I found out rather quickly that while I got along with those old friends, and we could reminisce with the best of them, we all had different lives now and were living and operating in separate circles. These friendships were based on memories of who we were instead  of having the structure and stability of who we are.

Then I turned to my work. Work has always been something in which I could bury myself. The minutia of the tasks would mean I didn't have to acknowledge the rest of my life with any real investment. I could do all the things, make dinner, hug, bathe, but, it was part of the work. It was just my second job. My only investment was in keeping moving and making things continue to happen in a quasi-normal existence. When I moved here it allowed me the luxury of starting all over in a work capacity and made it easy for me to have something else to devote my time into other than my thoughts and feelings as a person.

This was all I knew until - I changed my perspective, or, I might say opened my heart and met the most amazing kids.

These kids taught me real perseverance, poverty, and acceptance when I moved here and it stirred inside me a new feeling which I hope to foster and grow for the rest of my life. This feeling led me to get involved. Something I was never interested in before. I went back to church. I tried really hard at understanding kids and how they felt and what they were going through. I learned that growth can happen at any age and is devoid of anything but the desire to try harder and do something, anything.

I also learned to relieve myself from things like - drama. I noticed the modus operandi of people who were like toddlers wailing and crying into their hands only to look up and see if anyone was noticing before they continued. I noticed that some people have a deep need to create something that they need to be saved from, or, to save someone else. - My whole first marriage was because of this so I am as guilty as anyone else.

Now, I am having the time of my life supporting teachers in their pursuits to help these amazing kids. My son is doing amazing and makes my heart shine with pride everyday because of his kindness, curiosity, and unwavering optimism. I am now in a loving relationship with an amazing woman who wants to be my partner, hold me close, and still be as strong as anyone I know.

All of this because I met some refugee kids and taught them some music. They taught me so much more and I am forever grateful. I know now that God has a plan for me and as long as I don't give up and I keep going he will get me where I need to be.