This is my therapy. I once heard someone say ,or I made it up, that putting it in print makes it real and therefore able to be processed. I hope that's true because I definitely have much processing to do.
Any way here goes!
First some back story. I have been married for six years and I am now separated. That's all the back story anyone needs. The sorted details are just that ; details. The reality is the situation I am in now. A single dad who works a lot and has a three year old little boy.
I am trying my best in a rugged situation and I am constantly conflicted in whether what and how I am doing things are right and/or the best way to deal with any of life's situations. I have developed some routines in trying to keep a house liveable and trying to spend as much time as I can with the little man. I am often conflicted about my logical reasoning and my conscious conscience and the way it makes me feel. I hate telling my son to go play and I will be there in a minute while I load the dishwasher while remembering the fact that he hasn't seen me for the last nine hours.
; I feel horribly guilty that I crave the break I get on Friday nights when he stays with his grandparents.
I hope this is normal.
The one thing that I do take solace in is that I think he is ok. We are both relatively happy in our lives and I hope that we can stay that way. Every parent screws up their kid in some way but, I hope and pray mine is something inane like he doesn't eat green beans or, he doesn't like to wear flannel shirts or something.
It is weird that my only conversations after work are with a three year old in broken English and usually consist of some sort of quiz about where's the circle, what does a cow say, or what color is the puppy in the book.
It could definitely be worse. I could be talking to adults about politics!
This does make me feel better
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