September 30, 2012

      I was sitting here trying to think about what I want to share with this privately/public journal for this week and I didn't want it to be the same old story about me and my boy are gonna make it and my ex spouse being awful. Instead I want to spend some time thinking about what is going well and what is not going so great and see if writing them down can help me think of some solutions.

     The good things - I am starting to do a little better financially. I received a home loan modification which is helping me a great deal but, there are still a lot of bills I simply can't pay. I am trying to figure it out the best I can as I think most people are these days. I do think about how she isn't helping at all financially. To think about it just makes me crazy.

I digress.

     Another good thing is that my little boy is starting to be a lot better adjusted to our life. I am a firm believer that we all need out ruts. People lament their lives being in a rut all the time and wish and hope for excitement and variety. Well my life was devoid of a routine for the better part of a year and let me tell you that ruts are healthy and awesome and I am so glad to be digging my own new daily rut with just my son and myself.

  Also he is starting to catch up with both his verbal communication and his preschool counterparts. He is still behind to be sure but, since we are establishing our routine and now have time to work on all of our schoolwork instead of going here and there.

Biggest thing - I have remembered how to laugh again, really laugh. Laugh from the bottom of my gut and so long and hard that my eyes water. I have found me again.


The bad things-

My boy is behind his preschool counterparts. How did I let this happen?

I have too many bills I can't pay.

I  let myself be affected by ignorance at work and be manipulated into doing things that I know are going to end up either disappointing me or frustrating me because I know other people won't get them done.

I am lonely.

 Well there's where I am at these days. As you can see my mind is conflicted about everything except, me and the boy are better and my ex is awful. Oh well I will try and find some thing else to talk about next week!